So, we all know black tulle has been around in the fashion world forever, but the Japanese brought it back as a major statement in the nineteen nineties and the concept shows no signs of going away. In town on my way to look at some fall 2004 delivery Chanel black tulle gowns, I passed by some Victoria’s Secret windows, and what did I see-- very fetching sets of black tulle panties and brassieres. I am an unabashed admirer of black tulle and have been so forever. When I wore my black tulle Commes des Garcons evening skirt (that was really an apron) to a gala in the late nineties, my Silicon Valley Euro Trash dinner companions went into shock. (They have since moved back to Europe, having earned a pile of money in California and deemed the Golden State not classy enough for them. This particular group is the purest definition of Euro Trash.) According to my spy and dear friend, who sees them in Paris and London from time to time, these dimwits are still talking about this ensemble I wore. (“She was naked! She was wearing almost nothing! What was that fabric anyway? Who does she think she is?) Et cetera, et cetera. And this is just one of the reason I love black tulle so much. It really is lingerie brought into the open.

Kosmo Karl Lagerfeld is now trying to tame black tulle. At his couture show this summer (and in his autumn 2004 prêt-a-porter collection) he paired tweed with tulle: the sort of ultimate Chanel ensemble, one that truly goes day to night. In a way, he has sort of de-sexed black tulle. You see, given the possibility of wearing only one fabric for the rest of my life, I would pick black tulle (like Odile, the “bad” swan in Swan Lake). Having never been a man (at least to my knowledge), I have enjoyed at playing dress up in the only manly attire I consider acceptable—a tweed Chanel suit. So putting these two fabrics together reminds me of that other perversion—Gaucho Pants or the split skirt. (“Let’s see….am I a man or a woman today?”)

So perhaps I’ll have to put my beloved black tulle evening gowns away for a while and get one of those Victoria Secret black tulle bra and panty sets. It isn’t too slutty a look, but only I can see it so unfortunately it will keep the Euro Trash traps shut, and I can wait till black tulle is no longer held hostage by tweed. The restraint is killing me.